


Letting Go

by perfectcosima



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2529173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectcosima/pseuds/perfectcosima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I was supposed to be working on LYILR, but the angst was calling me, so here's a fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letting Go of Life

Cosima's breaths were becoming more and more shallow. She lay on the bed in Felix's apartment, the gurgling of the blood rising in her throat audible as her lungs slowly drowned in her own blood, working less and less efficiently each moment. She was so alone, laying on the blood red sheets that matched the exact color of the contents of the bucket that served as her solitary companion.

Sarah and Felix had skipped town a few months before. She'd found out from Alison, and had taken it as as an invitation to take over his rent. Her job at the Dyad Institute made it inconvenient to leave town, and her condition made traveling difficult anyway. So she had stayed, and here she was three months later, coughing up her lungs in Felix's bed. They had tried to convince her to go through the hospital, but she had seen what that had done to Jennifer Fitzsimmons, making the last months of her life more painful than ever, with the chemotherapy and other treatments making her weak and depressed.

Delphine had stayed with her though, which was a comfort. Sometimes she looked at her, and all that she could see were the lies. She had thought that she would be able to let it go and just accept Delphine, and she had succeeded, albeit warily, until she had discovered the videos of Jennifer. She couldn't keep herself from comparing Delphine's actions to those of Jennifer's own monitor, her boyfriend. Cosima's interest in watching the videos that become an obsession, one that had made her realize that she was deteriorating much more rapidly that her fellow clone had. She hadn't told Delphine, but she had also discovered the secret feed of a security camera from Jennifer's hospital room. Her last hours were well enough imprinted on Cosima's mind for her to recognize when it was happening to her, and now it was. She didn't want Delphine to be there. Her girlfriend might not be able to realize that the only option was to just let her go peacefully, and more importantly, Cosima was afraid of being proved wrong about Delphine's love for her. She didn't want to see her loving girlfriend in her last moments standing over her with a stony face. Even the illusion of love was better than nothing.

So she had sent Delphine out to get some eskimo pies, the irony of the assignment not escaping her. In her last moments she thought of her family, ignoring her body's last ditch attempts to retain function. Faces flashed through her mind as her eyes closed in relief. Her father and mother, her best friends from when she was growing up, all leading up to her new family. Delphine, and Alison, and Sarah and Felix. She had no more strength left in her body for hatred or blame, and as the life drifted out of her body, she held onto the live that they had given her, no longer feeling alone as she drifted off into an eternal rest.


	2. The Discovery

Delphine was grinning to herself as she opened up the sliding door to the apartment and headed over to the kitchen area, swinging the bags in her hands.

  
"I'm sorry it took me so long, ma chérie!" she called out cheerfully as she put the bags down. "I had to run all the way across town to find the eskimo pies for you."

  
She continued to unload the bags as she waited for the expected reply. When none came, she became a bit worried, and headed over to the bed. The monitor that listed Cosima's vital signs was showing an error, and the wires that were previously attached to her were dangling freely from it.

  
"Cosima?" Delphine asked, her voice wavering as she reached out to tap Cosima's shoulder. "Mon amour?"

  
She held her breath as she cautiously rolled Cosima onto her back, a strangled gasp escaping her body when she saw that her chest was no longer rising and falling. Ever the doctor, she rushed to take her pulse, hot tears building up in her eyes when she was greeted with nothing but stillness.

  
"No, no, no, no, no," she muttered to herself, straddling Cosima's lifeless body and beginning to frantically administer CPR. The metallic tang of Cosima's blood filled her mouth as she tried desperately to force oxygen back into her girlfriend's a few minutes that were the longest ofher entire life, Delphine gave up and just stared down at Cosima, the beautiful woman that she had loved so dearly.

  
"S'il vous plaît, Cosima, s'il vous plait. Please, please don't be dead," her voice was thick with the tears that were rolling down her cheeks, stained red by the blood on her face, as she futilely pleaded with her motionless lover. "J'ai besoin de tu, Cosima," she confessed, reaching down and cupping her chin in her hand, stroking her lips gently with her thumb. "Je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime. S'il vous plaît revenir à moi. S'il vous plaît."

  
Unable to make herself leave Cosima there alone for even a second, she took a washcloth from beside the bed and tenderly cleaned off Cosima's lips and face, ignoring the blood that was splattered all over herself as she laid down next to her and held her close. She drifted off to sleep, praying for a miracle that would bring Cosima back to her. Melted ice cream slowly dripped from the kitchen counter to form a puddle on the ground.


End file.
